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Archived old news: December 2000
News: Tuesday 26/12/00
Contest results.
Despite the lack of support (U SUCK!) I got enough entries in the "Insult Q3A and win the CD" contest to have a decent competition - thanks to everyone who entered - unfortunately the legendary ZzJohnzZ wasn't around to have a go =/. It was interesting that there was quite a large difference between those who sent in clever and witty insults and those who sent in more typical abuse, a pity there wasn't more of the former. The winner is Aardappel, whose was actually the first entry I received, brilliantly dismissive. Second is Reese Boisse for a nice twist on that classic rivalry. Third is RPG because insulting the competition itself is a cunning ploy. Honourable mentions go to Jamis for picking up on Q3A's potential flaws, and Blackpope for his dismissiveness.
Winners:
1. Aardappel - "I refuse to accept the prize when I win this competition!"
2. Reese Boisse - "The Quake 3 disc makes an exellent coaster for my Unreal Tournament mug."
3. RPG - "Q3A sucks more than Shambler's lame "Win a copy of Q3A!" contest."
4. Jamis - "q3:a is like a dry hump... you can kinda feel it, but want so much more."
5. BlackPope - "It would be a waste of time to even bother insulting Q3A."
The rest:
Mitch - "Q. Why did some copies of Q3A ship in a metal box? A. To keep the shit from leaking out."
Deadstar - "Q3A is almost as shit as CounterStrike.. and people who actually play Q3A are only one brain cell ahead of CounterStrike players.. that makes two brain cells"
Daz - "Quite simply: "Quake 3 arena sux0rs!""
Than - "Attatching my foreskin to a bridge and using my penis as a bungie cord would cause less physical and mental pain than playing a single session of Quake 3"
Killazontherun - "Quake3 is more fucked then the slutiest of sluts"
Phil - "Pluto's tempreature is higher then what I'd score quake3"
Of course now I'm not entirely sure whether Aardappel actually wants the CD at all!! So it's either Aard or Reese if Aard doesn't want it, and I'll tell you who got the CD in a later update. Anyway, as I say only a few people seemed to understand the sort of insult I was after, so here's some of my own to give you an idea:
"Quake 3: Arena - taking the best bits from previous Id games, and then using what's left over."
"Quake 3: Arena - I thought it was companies who paid for game engines, not players??"
"Quake 3: Arena - you can see why Id are going back to single player games after THAT."
"Quake 3: Arena - the greatest game engine available."
"Quake 3: Arena - one of Unreal Tournament's biggest selling points."
Interesting Shack article/discussion:
Yes I'm amazed too, maybe Steve's draconian new rules are actually having some sort of effect at the ShugaShack =). Anyway, Steve posted a news item and commentary about an article about gamers and reviewers being jaded, and I found his own comments about being able to review for other gamers, regardless of your personal opinion of a game, very interesting as you can see from the comments (which now consist of several Shambler essays =)). The balance between objectivity and subjectivity, information and opinion, completeness and succintness, is something I'm interested in, as I try hard to achieve that balance in my reviews - including a new review format just for that purpose. I might bash those comments posts into some sort of article in the future, maybe.
Gunman eh.
Only played a little more, but I will do reviews of Gunman single player maps if any get released - it's based on Half-Life, and has a good variety of themes and monsters, so it's got mapping potential. There's only been one DM map released so far, but if there's any SP maps I'll get on the case.
I am NOT fucking UT DM / UnrealEd / UT Mods tech support!!
I'm still getting fucking emails from idiots who think that just because I review single player maps, I'm some sort of guru on multiplayer maps, mods or UnrealEd....I swear some cocksucker must be throwing around my email address in DM or UnrealEd forums or something. My email address appears in 2 places related to Unreal: 1. This site where I have a list of recommended Unreal single player maps, and at Nali City where it's posted on the single player map reviews - single player map reviews and NOTHING ELSE - so how these fuckwits make the huge logical leap from: "Shambler reviews Unreal SP maps..." to "...so I'll ask him about finding tutorials on UT CTF maps", well I don't fucking know. Ever thought of asking a UT CTF mapper and NOT ME?? Jesus... I think I'm going to make a standard - and contemptuous - reply template for such emails....and if anyone who is tempted to email me about something I have nothing to do with is reading this: You can fuck off right now.
News: Friday 22/12/00
Contest contest contest
I've had only a few more entries, so here's a brief reminder about the "Insult Q3A and win the CD" contest:
> If you win and you already have Q3A, you could give the CD to a friend or sibling, or even sell it second-hand. That is like free money or something...
> All entries will be posted and named here, so even if you don't want to win, you still get to show off your "dope smak talking skillz" for all to admire.
> You don't have to dislike Q3A like I do, you can adore the game, as long as you can come up with a good put-down.
Anyway, the deadline is the end of 25th December, so there's still some time for everyone who visits to give it a shot and send me an email with your best short, sharp, and satirical insult of Q3A.
Gunman Demo.
60 meg for a HL engined demo?? What particular type of crack are the developers smoking?? Idiots. Anyway, I didn't get the demo, I got the game instead (actually, 2 copies of the game thanks to me missing an order confirmation email....genius =)): I'm about 2/3 the way through maybe, and I quite like it, despite it playing very, very similar (read: "identical") to Half-Life. It's more of a partial conversion than total conversion... There's nice maps and themes (mayan, runic-futuristic, desert), a good variety in enemy from humans to properly weird monsters, it plays pretty well. But it is extremely Half-Life and does show it's unrefined, unpolished origins as an amateur conversion - some crappy textures and lighting and inconsistencies. Worth a look if you like HL or sci-fi FPSs....I would probably review levels for it, if any get released. (P.S. Most of this copied from a Shack post, yeah I'm that lazy =)).
And finally, words of warning from the Vondur:
<Vondur> i'll meet jAGO in flesh soon.....
<Shambler> uh huh
<Vondur> i'm going to kill him
News: Monday 18/12/00
There's still a contest on - open to all, all entries posted, enter to win or just for fun.
Serious Sam Test2.
Just remember who started the Serious Sam bandwagon eh. That was the first ever review of the first test, and since the second test has exactly the same single player map and gameplay, there's not much to add. Most importantly the fatal mouse buttons as movement control bugs have been fixed, and it runs a lot smoother. Also, some monster and weapon skins have been improved a lot, so all round it's a promising update on the first test - though the game is not as impressive as the first time it appeared.
Vaguely topical:
<Vigil> Looks like Q3TA will suck donkey AND elephant cock at the same time, while being rammed up the ass by a horse
<Shambler> vig: sounds like your mother's latest home video :P
News: Friday 15/12/00
Hello there's a contest on win stuff for free and all that??
Anyone there?? A bit more about the "Insult Q3A and win a free copy" contest: You don't have to win a copy for yourself, you can win it for a friend or sibling, or even just to sell the copy on as second hand. Obviously you don't have to dislike Q3A, as long as you can insult it with the best of them. Regardless of who wins, all entries will get posted here so people can admire your wit and humour. And you've still got 11 days until the deadline... I've had a mere 2 entries so far, both very good (and some lengthy discourse from someone else...), so I am hoping to get some more please.
Blade demo, again.
I almost finished the Blade demo. By "almost", I mean I got to the final boss, found he was 10 times tougher than any previous enemy, his weapon did enough damage to kill me more than 4 times over, I died horribly and knew there was absolutely no way to complete this without saving (play through the demo 37 times to die on the same boss?? No thanks.). The developers are doing themselves a disservice by releasing an incomplete demo without saving/loading: Firstly it means players are likely to be put off by having to replay each time from the start, so they are less likely to progress through the demo and see what the developers are trying to show off. Secondly any players who do persist may get rather bored and tired of replaying the same sections and thus the impact of the demo is reduced. Thirdly it prevents players from saving before combats to practise controls and learn the combat system, which is a prominent aspect of the game. Once again I hope developers wake the fuck up and realise their demos - like their games - need to be fully functional. Anyway aside from that error, I am rather entranced by Blade. Apart from the obviously great lighting and atmosphere, I'm not entirely sure why... It just feels right (in atmosphere, not the cumbersome controls), properly medieval/fantasy style, with unusual combats that fit into that vibe. Certainly a game I will buy. Assuming it has saving/loading, that is.
If you want to be as 1337 as Shambler:
* Shambler 's Top Tactic for Deathmatch: 1. Get Pentagram/Invulnerability (or equivalent). 2. Find the nearest inescapable lava, slime, or void. 3. Jump in and wait for Pent/Invuln to run out.
Ehhhhh....I did that once, in a duel on Q2DM3. Grrr!!
News: Monday 11/12/00
Peej / QMap interview!
On a whim I captured Peej, renowned Q1, Q2 and Q3A mapper and evil genius behind the nefarious QMap mapping community site, and subjected him to hours of torture and interrogation. The result: a Peej interview about QMap, maps, and the mapping community. Be warned, this is a lengthy and intelligent interview....sorry if you were expecting banter and abuse....it won't happen again :P.
DS9: The Fallen demo!
3rd person UT engined Star Trek game. Old demo gets released, no-one says much about it. Game gets released, sites review it, don't hear of anyone playing it. New demo gets released, no-one says much about it. Time to say something, then. Firstly this is a proper demo, i.e. you can fully rebind the keys, and load and save games. Two important features some "demos" lack, thus you can try the game properly. Secondly as you see from the size it's pure bloatware: 110 meg, 3 missions, 3 characters, 3 sets of enemy/weapons, 1 training mission, 2-3 intros/flybys. No. Wrong. Bad demo. *Smack*. It should be: 1 mission, 1 character, 1 set of enemy/weapons, 1 training mission, no intros/flybys. Typical of the "fuck you modem users" attitude. Nevertheless I'm glad I committed myself to a 10 hour d/l, as this demo is rather cool. It's very roughly a blend between Elite Force, hints of Deus Ex, aspects of FAKK2, with one mission set somewhere reminiscent of Daikatana's E3M1 and another mission stylistically similar to the Serious Sam Test. Phew. That's a lot of interesting stuff in one game which is why I'm surprised at the lack of shouting. In the demo, it all hangs together well: The UT engine means the controls are nice and clean and easy to set up, and the graphics are equally slick with everything looking right and some pretty sweem effects - explosions, fog, snow - too.
The gameplay is more focused on stealth and caution, and when you do get into a fight it can be fairly tricky - the enemy dodge rifle shots so the short range Phaser is best, and the Jem Haddar in the 3rd mission teleport around and attack from behind you too quickly for comfort. 3rd person is not suitable for this sort of sneaky stop/start gameplay, and the combats do suffer from the cumbersome nature of 3rd person. The mission goals are also fairly tedious "get key, use key", though voice-overs do add interest. Of particular note is the Tricorder, which functions as a 3D radar and info centre - very useful for detecting traps, enemy, and anything else. Out of the 3 missions, the first, set in snowy canyons and cliffs, is by far the coolest, with a great atmosphere (there's nice, dynamic, music throughout), but is a steep learning curve gameplay-wise. The second, set in a sandy, simple but exotic temple, is also stylish with some cool scenes. The final mission is a plainer space station, refined but lacking visual interest (it's a pity the 3 characters didn't have their own distinct traits/stats). Overall this demo shows a lot of coolness and fairly few flaws - after playing it I ordered the full game.
Download the DS9 demo (110 meg), visit the DS9 site.
Win a copy of Q3A!
Out of the many FPS games I've bought in the last few years, only one has been a complete waste of money: Quake 3 Arena. Thus, I am giving away my copy, for free, via the means of a competition. Naturally it's a competition with a twist, but one that's easy for anyone to enter, inspired by ZzJohnzZ and his Q3A insults (which I've posted in several updates): Send me your best insult, put down, or abuse of Q3A, and you'll win the CD. Please be aware that in addition to the following rules, I'm looking for something succint, caustically witty, and cruelly sadistic about Q3A's flaws - reams of tedious profanity and sexual references will probably bore me.
Rules:
1. email me your best short, sharp and sadistic insult against Q3A and you will win the Q3A CD.
2. Deadline is 12:00 am GMT December 26th, i.e. at the end of Christmas day (festive spirit and all that).
3. Insults must be emailed in so I have a quotable record (no IRC, ICQ, forum posts etc).
4. You may update your insult by sending a new or improved one, but only the most recent insult will count - multiple entries will not.
5. I will reply to the winner after the deadline, asking for their Real Life mail address, and I will then send the CD (in jewel case, with booklet, but no box), and shortly afterwards post all entries.
Sheep!
I, SHEEP. Nuff said....what more do you want from a Sheep gaming website?? Gotta like this quote from their FAQ:
Tell us about the Artificial Stupidity of the sheep? Is this the new form of Al?
Several months were spent studying Sheep and village idiots in order to perfect the code, Minds Eye the developer is based in the heart of the English countryside so reference was in abundance. Don't be stupid.
Exclamation mark!
Pretty action-packed update huh. I've removed some of the games I'd planned on doing SP map reviews for: KISS because there's no scene, and Elite Force because there's only been a couple of test maps released. I've added Rune instead of those games.
And finally!
In honour of PlanetDaikatana (check out the neat POTD I sent in...):
Gwog: ...you meat tube buggering butt piano
Shambler
News: Saturday 09/12/00
Rune (and action games with a familiar basis).
Playing quite a bit of "R00n" (heh) towards the end of this week. Rather cool, quite reminiscent of Wheel of Time, 3rd person aside, in the strong fantasy themes, good atmosphere and maps, enhanced Unreal-engine graphics, and sometimes tricky combat. Curiously enough a similiarity I predicted when looking at the shots. Anyway I'm nearing the end of Hel, I think, and so far it's been good if a bit repetitive. I like the strong Viking vibes, weird creatures at the start, and decapitating skeletons (though the latter is entirely random). This game got me thinking: There have been a lot of good - or great - games this year (or so), based around already established themes: Wheel of Time (Wheel of Time novels), KISS (KISS comics and band), Elite Force (Star Trek), FAKK2 (Heavy Metal comics), Rune (Viking mythology), Alice (Alice in Wonderland). Of course the deal is they are all established fantasy / sci-fi themes, none of this tediously mundane Real Life crap, thus making them ideal for basing games around. Makes you think, eh?? Or perhaps not. Of course the best possible action game themes of them all - Games Workshop's 40K or Warhammer universes - are still waiting for a good action game....which if you are familiar with GW's games, is entirely incomprehensible, as everything about them is perfect for action games - and indeed every aspect of a good action game is covered in GW's games. A great pity =/.
Blade.
Tenuous link: The main character in R00n is called "Ragnar"....in the opening sequence to Blade, the traitor knight who captured you is called Ragnar....eh. Anyway, as light relief (?) from R00n I tried the Blade demo again, and got a bit further this time. In some ways very similar to R00n, but the feel and atmosphere is very different....much more medieval I guess. Oh yeah the lighting, still as 1337 as before, this helps the atmosphere a lot - especially when it works with the more realistic physics. For example, at one point I hack a barrel apart, one plank was pushed to one side, spinning around on it's short end, before slowing down and toppling down some steps to a halt....all the time with a perfect spinning, toppling shadow from a nearby torch. Very cool =). I'm going to keep trying this until I can get used to the tricky combat controls and finish the demo, as I do quite like it - and the screenshots show some really nice architecture so I'm interested in getting the final too...
Giants (and censorship).
Another game I've been very interested in, and one I will still be getting BY THE SKIN OF IT'S TEETH. If you haven't heard the developers have censored two themic features: Nudity on one of the characters, and blood - which when I heard this I decided I would not buy the game until a patch put both features back in. BUT, it seems this problem only applies to US versions (ha!), so hopefully the UK version will be appropriate to the intended game design. However I am still disgusted they removed such inoffensive and natural features for the sake of prudish censorship and a money grabbing attempt to appeal to little kids. Firstly the nudity was clearly a natural aspect of the game's theme rather than an attempt at Tomb Raider style titillation - the Delphi are sea-dwelling witches, and it is entirely fitting for them (like mermaids) to be semi-naked. One of the few instances of nudity being justified. The "Delphi-with-bikini" is actually more titillative and exploitive as it removed their other-wordly nature by adding typical human garments, and thus looks more tacky and pr0ny than the original nudes. Secondly, the blood, it's an inherent feature of action games featuring humanoids, indeed it is part of showing the consequences of your violent actions (for better or for worse). Given this is an action game it is entirely natural it should have blood, so replacing it with slime is again spoiling the theme of the game. </rant>
Censorship at the Shack! Gasp!
LOL Scary has finally realised that his cesspit of festering evil is actually a cesspit of festering evil, and is cracking down with an arseload of guidelines. As some who has been alternately revolted (62%) bored (31%) and entertained (7%) by gamers' attitudes there, right from them starting the anti-Daikatana bandwagon, I find this all very amusing in an ironic sort of way. As I posted...
HAHAHAHAHAHAH ha HA! This is extremely fucking funny...
1. It took you THIS long to work out your site was being abuse by a bunch of obnoxious bastards fucking it up with irrelevancies, stupid bitching, w4r3z, pr0n, more stupid bitching and general bigoted attitudes?? D00d I realised that when I first came here 2 fucking years ago.
2. Those rules will prevent 99.9% of the posts people post here....I was quite surprised that each rule negates such a huge amount of posting. Add them together there will be nothing left, LOL.
Not that I care either way...
And in honour of Blade...
...a quote featuring a genuine Spanish Weird (© nanospawn 2000)...
<excessus> i have been told that behind each great man there is a woman, but this is ridiculous
<Shambler> behind you excesuss, is a donkey with a HUGE erection
Etc.
News: Monday 04/12/00
Battlezone II reviews moved that way ===>
Yes you can all breathe a sigh of relief as this site will no longer be corrupted by the foul taint of action game diversity, stunning terrain based graphics, unique FPS gameplay, and strategies and tactics. I've moved the BZ II IA and SP map reviews to a new site at PlanetBattlezone: TEAMShambler presents: Happy Ice Rhino's IA Map Reviews (yes an even more longwinded name =)....TSHIR will do though =)). Basically exactly the same reviews that were posted here but now in a more fitting place, and with a fresh site design of course, one I particularly like too. That leaves this site a bit freeer to focus on less mapped FPS and 3PS games *cough* when people actually make finished maps *cough*. In case you are wondering, no this extra site isn't any more work, in fact it will be easier to update the BZ II reviews in a seperate site, and I'm finding them easy to write anyway...
Games and stuff...
In between making that site and when I can drag myself from the unadulterated coolness of Daikatana's Episode 2 (Hard skill without sidekicks is the way to go =)), I managed to download two bloated, oversized demos this weekend: Alice and Sacrifice. Neither of which I intended to get, but people were spooging over Alice so I thought it was worth a try. Strangely enough and for a complete change, the gaming public are right this time, Alice r0xx in atmosphere and music and design and general allround weirdness, though the gameplay is a bit mundane. Not as cool as FAKK2 but engrossing enough to ensure I will be getting it. Sacrifice I haven't tried yet. Still haven't played much into the Blade demo either but I'm still interested. Along with Gunman and Giants coming soon, Rune to be installed, Descent3 and Deep Fighter I've barely started....fuck me far too many games to play =|. Back to BZ II maps I think, heh.
Ah yes PC Zone, forgot about them...
Very easy to forget as they are as significant to gaming journalism as my colonic bacteria are to lunar exploration... Anyway, I bought a couple issues a while back, solely for the cover disk demos, and was not at all impressed by their pathetic agendas and predictably biased hate campaign against Daikatana (my views on the "magazine": here and here). On a whim I spent 15 seconds copy'n'pasting the positive points from my DKT overall views into an email to them. Now, people have reported that my views were printed along with a typically tiresome ShugaShack/Evil Avatar clone response - not that I'd know because I wouldn't touch the magazine with a 70' lead shielded remote control pole. The point of mentioning this?? Umm... "PC Zone you still suck elephant cock" yes that's it.
Help please!!
How the fucking hell do I get the download "Open it / Save to disk" dialogue box back for IE downloads?? The fucking thing disappeared a few days ago for no reason, and I haven't been able to get it back. Yes I have played around with Internet Options, no it is not a problem with external download programs as I've had them for years with no problems. If someone knows how to get the dialogue box back, please email me, thanks.
Update: Thanks to HeadLlama who answered this at QMap, pointing me to this MS help page (useful if anyone has similar b0rkage).
And finally...
<zzjohnzz> i have known alot of hookers that could suck the chrome off a car fender... but i have never known a hooker that sucked as much as q3
A quote he borrowed of someone else I think. According to excessus, the previous zzquotezz about having to take his computer to a priest after uninstalling Q3A went down well at the Shack forums which I find mildly astonishing...
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